Kids are off to bed.......... we made it through another day! And much better than yesterday! But the fear I had about trying to do Kari's homework tonight was for naught........ because she forgot to bring it home!!!! So I will have to wait to see how it goes tomorrow.
I'm worried about Kari and the way she clings to me. I know it's harmless and she just wants to feel loved, but I can't seem to stop her unless I yell at her. Then she pouts and runs off and hides. So how do I handle it? I want her to feel loved, but not get too attached to hugging me 100 times a day. I'm going to have to keep working on this one.
And Jimmy seems fairly well adjusted to the move as far as I can tell. He is doing great in school. Always does his homework. I'm waiting to see if it ends............. I hope not.
Went to see Butch today. I forgot to mention yesterday that he called during the mass meltdown! He's doing pretty good. I spoke to his doctor and it seems like he needs a heart valve repaired. He'll know more tomorrow after the surgeon looks at the test results. I hope he agrees to do the operation. It will mean a better life for Butch.
So what will tomorrow bring? So many thoughts going through my mind......... Am I doing the right thing? Will I get my heart broken? Regardless of what happens to me, those kids better not get hurt. They've been through too much already.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
My new life with Kids.
The kids got to me tonight like never before. I really felt the pressure for the first time since they moved in a couple weeks ago. Kari started crying and saying she wanted to run away or jump in the water and sink to the bottom. It all started because she didn't want to do her homework and I wouldn't let her get up from the table. She started complaining about how Jimmy always picked on her and called her ugly, the went on to start talking about all the bad things she's done in her life and how no one likes her. And she just kept going! Refused to stop crying and babbling about her terrible life and Jimmy picking on her. Then Jimmy started yelling at her because of what she was accusing him of. and I had both of them yelling and crying. Jimmy said Kari was making fun of him because of the bed wetting and diapers thing, and Jimmy was telling Kari to run away at the bus stop!
Then throw in Gary calling and asking questions about how to write an email and could I please could I send him one. I think there were 5 calls from him tonight. The pressure was building.
So Jimmy went to his room to read and cool down and I held Kari for almost a half hour trying to reinforce the fact that her parents and I loved her, and that she is not ugly. She asked to go upstairs and be alone for a while so she could write her thoughts. I said yes. I could barely hold back the tears and I didn't want to appear weak in front of her. After about 10 minutes I called up to her and she came downstairs with a note book and read me her thoughts. That poor little girl wrote 5 lines that said she was sorry about her past actions of being bad and sorry for stealing from people. And that she will be nicer to people and learn to respect others. And she will keep her hands to herself and treat others the way she wanted to be treated. I hugged her as she cries and made her write one more line ' I am not ugly'. Then I took her into the bathroom and made her look in the mirror and repeat it while I help her face. I was crying inside and it hurt! It's been a long time since I've felt that way.... it's not a good feeling either.
Jimmy heard us in the bathroom and came in too. He apologized to Kari for being mean to her and we all hugged while I tried to bestow on them some words of wisdom. We are a family now. We must stick together and help each other and not try to hurt each other. And it's easier to be mean that it is to be nice, but we must try anyway. I really didn't' know what to say, but I just kept talking and hugging.
So we all went back to the dining room to finish homework and it got worst for me again. Kari needed constant help doing her homework, and not play around. And Jimmy informed me that he needed his PowerPoint presentation done today to be turned in tonight! So I had to load Office on to his computer, but I didn't have the Admin password. So I had to text Josh and ask for it. Then back to the table to help Kari. Then Josh called and wanted to talk. So as I'm opening up his account and trying to download Office, and listen to Kari pout about not knowing what to do, and having Jimmy try to talk to me at the same time Josh was, I was ready to scream!! But I didn't. I listened to Josh, told Jimmy and Kari to hold one a minute and handled it like a pro! I think anyway.
So I got Jimmy set up on the computer, and guess what - he really didn't know how to use Powerpoint like he thought! AAAARGGG!!! So help him, then help Kari, then back to Jimmy, then take a call from Gary, then back to Jimmy. Then Gary again! I finally gave up on Kari's homework and wrote a note to her teacher saying I couldn't do her homework and didn't understand it. So I'll probably hear about that tomorrow!
Jimmy finished his presentation and I sent it off to his teacher. I won't even go into how I couldn't download the file onto my memory stick, which was actually a wireless mouse transmitter! Finally figured that out! So I put them off to be at 9pm and here I sit!!! Now it's 10:30 and I'm going to bed. And Facebook changed really irked me tonight!!! Damn those guys!
Finally - I've had the kids for about 2 weeks now. No one thinks I know what I'm doing and failure is less that a month away. Today was the first time I doubted myself. I hope it's the last. I plan on keeping these kids forever. They are a part of my life I want to continue. They make me feel whole again. God - help me succeed.
Then throw in Gary calling and asking questions about how to write an email and could I please could I send him one. I think there were 5 calls from him tonight. The pressure was building.
So Jimmy went to his room to read and cool down and I held Kari for almost a half hour trying to reinforce the fact that her parents and I loved her, and that she is not ugly. She asked to go upstairs and be alone for a while so she could write her thoughts. I said yes. I could barely hold back the tears and I didn't want to appear weak in front of her. After about 10 minutes I called up to her and she came downstairs with a note book and read me her thoughts. That poor little girl wrote 5 lines that said she was sorry about her past actions of being bad and sorry for stealing from people. And that she will be nicer to people and learn to respect others. And she will keep her hands to herself and treat others the way she wanted to be treated. I hugged her as she cries and made her write one more line ' I am not ugly'. Then I took her into the bathroom and made her look in the mirror and repeat it while I help her face. I was crying inside and it hurt! It's been a long time since I've felt that way.... it's not a good feeling either.
Jimmy heard us in the bathroom and came in too. He apologized to Kari for being mean to her and we all hugged while I tried to bestow on them some words of wisdom. We are a family now. We must stick together and help each other and not try to hurt each other. And it's easier to be mean that it is to be nice, but we must try anyway. I really didn't' know what to say, but I just kept talking and hugging.
So we all went back to the dining room to finish homework and it got worst for me again. Kari needed constant help doing her homework, and not play around. And Jimmy informed me that he needed his PowerPoint presentation done today to be turned in tonight! So I had to load Office on to his computer, but I didn't have the Admin password. So I had to text Josh and ask for it. Then back to the table to help Kari. Then Josh called and wanted to talk. So as I'm opening up his account and trying to download Office, and listen to Kari pout about not knowing what to do, and having Jimmy try to talk to me at the same time Josh was, I was ready to scream!! But I didn't. I listened to Josh, told Jimmy and Kari to hold one a minute and handled it like a pro! I think anyway.
So I got Jimmy set up on the computer, and guess what - he really didn't know how to use Powerpoint like he thought! AAAARGGG!!! So help him, then help Kari, then back to Jimmy, then take a call from Gary, then back to Jimmy. Then Gary again! I finally gave up on Kari's homework and wrote a note to her teacher saying I couldn't do her homework and didn't understand it. So I'll probably hear about that tomorrow!
Jimmy finished his presentation and I sent it off to his teacher. I won't even go into how I couldn't download the file onto my memory stick, which was actually a wireless mouse transmitter! Finally figured that out! So I put them off to be at 9pm and here I sit!!! Now it's 10:30 and I'm going to bed. And Facebook changed really irked me tonight!!! Damn those guys!
Finally - I've had the kids for about 2 weeks now. No one thinks I know what I'm doing and failure is less that a month away. Today was the first time I doubted myself. I hope it's the last. I plan on keeping these kids forever. They are a part of my life I want to continue. They make me feel whole again. God - help me succeed.
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